- “I think the point people are trying to make is the media is responsible for JoePa going down.” — Penn State freshman on why it was totally okay to overturn a news broadcast truck. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS (from 1-10): 9.
- “We got rowdy, and we got maced. But make no mistake, the board started this riot by firing our coach. They tarnished a legend.” 19-year-old Penn Stater, who apparently fails to realize that covering up criminal sexual activity is actually what tarnishes a legend. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 10.
- “It’s not fair. The board is an embarrassment to our school and a disservice to the student population.” — 20-year-old Penn Stater, who is apparently not embarrassed that an assistant coach on his school’s football team raped young boys. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 11.
- “This definitely looks bad for our school. I’m sure JoePa wouldn’t want this, but this is just an uproar now, we’re finding a way to express our anger.” — Freshman Penn Stater, who is good at stating the obvious and being contradictory all at once. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 12.
- “Of course we’re going to riot. What do they expect when they tell us at 10 o’clock that they fired our football coach?” — 24-year-old Penn Stater, who probably didn’t riot when he found out Joe Paterno’s lieutenant raped little boys. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 15.
- “My friends were like, ‘I don’t want to get maced.’ I was like, ‘I don’t want to miss seeing this, so I guess that means I do kind of want to get maced.’” — Freshman Penn Stater, who I hope was maced. DOUCHENOZZLE POINTS: 8.
“Of course we’re going to riot. What do they expect when they tell us at 10 o’clock that they fired our football coach?”
Yeah, well, obviously. I mean, what could they possibly expect? That you’d act like adults? Or that maybe — just maybe — the firing of a football coach pales in comparison to children being raped? Just what did those silly, silly people expect?
I’m willing to give the 18 year-olds a little slack, because they’re still trying to find their asses with both hands and tribal identity pretty much trumps everything else at that age. But this fucking idiot douchebag is 24, and is absolutely old enough to know better. I give him or her infinity Get A Fucking Clue You Asshat points.
JESUS FUCKING FUCK